


I'll Be Okay

by TimelessToast



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Fluff, John is Not Amused, Johnlock - Freeform, Just kidding there's actually smut, M/M, Patrick Melrose AU, Sherlock is a Mess, Smut, i dont know why i wrote this but i cant seem to stop, john can't help laughing akwardly, may add smut, they're so adorable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-05-07 10:00:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14668686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimelessToast/pseuds/TimelessToast
Summary: I recently finished watching the first episode of Patrick Melrose, and I fell in love with the entire plotline of Patrick dealing with his addiction... so here's a Sherlock Fanfiction in what I can only describe as a Patrick Melrose AU... because we all know he's a druggie too."You should really try to stop, you know."I didn't know how to answer.





	1. Addiction

             I woke up to the sound of my fucking obnoxious phone ringing. I decided to ignore it, I’m not fit for personal relations… with anyone, in whatever form. I turned my head, and my gaze caught on my forearm. There was a needle stuck in the vein right under where my bicep meets my forearm, the place where I usually stabbed myself so I didn’t have to go through those horrible withdrawal symptoms again. There was blood dried up from where it spilled out. It’s only normal, seeing as I was piercing a vein.  
I didn't remember the night before, but it was only probable I got caught up in my addiction. Good thing I didn’t go out- I would’ve made a fool of myself, what, with heroin riding high in my veins.  


             I slid the blue liquid filled syringe out of my skin and rolled over to face my nightstand. My eyes squinted at the light that I just then realized filled the room. I lifted up my arm to place the newly removed needle on the table next to my bed. I felt sharp white pain shoot through my muscles, and let out a pained groan. My hands shook, and I barely managed to drop the item onto the cool wooden surface.  


             I steadied myself as I tried sitting up, new pains shooting through my abdomen. I grabbed the glass on my nightstand, which contained a foul smelling brown liquid. Taking a quick swig of whiskey and cringing at the taste, I quickly summoned enough courage to stand up and open my dresser drawer.  


I pulled on a white button up shirt and I laughed as I realized it had a blood splotch on the sleeve. 'Are any of my shirts not blood stained?" I asked myself.  


My phone rang again, causing to me jump. "Bloody hell!" I yelled at no-one in particular and raced to turn off the vibrato of noises that were making my ears bleed.  


            "Yyyessss" I slowly managed to get out. It sounded slurred, but I hoped the other person on the line wouldn't notice.  


            " _God,_ really? You sound like you just had the best night of your life... _again_." A familiar voice said.  


            _**John.**_  


           There was a moment of silence before he added "You should really try to stop, you know."  


           I didn't know how to answer.  


           "Sherlock?"  


           "Wwwwhaaat, yeesss i'mm hereeee" I replied.  


           A laugh came from the other end. John... was laughing at _me?_  


           "Sorry Sherlock it's just... I've never seen you like this, I never imagined in a million years that this would happen to you."  


           "Hahaa verry funnyy" I said, speech still slurred. At this point I had started sliding down off the bed and onto the carpeted floor.

           I let out a quiet 'ow'.  


           "Alright... Sherlock I'm coming over. " John sounded worried.  


           "Nnoo, nooo its okayyyy jsut a little sdeefcttse" god _dammit_ why couldn't I talk?  


           "Sherlock I need to be there to help you through this okay. You know the come down is going to be hell. I'm not going to let you sit there in pain by yourself." John said and then hung up.  


            I think about a half an hour went by where I was just laying on the carpet of my bedroom, before John came in shouting my name.  


            "Sherlock! _Sherlock_?" He paused as his eyes caught on my nightstand- The one with all the used needles strewn about. I could see in the reflection of the mirror above my head that his face went from urgent to something more... heartbroken seems like a reasonable description. His brows furrowed up and his eyes started watering. He must not have realized the extent of what I was using until now.  


           "Sher-Sherlock..." he stuttered.  


            I couldn't do anything but sit there with regret filling my body.  


            He walked over to the side of the bed where I lay on the floor.  


            "This is pathetic. Sherlock Holmes the _bloody_ genius reduced to incoherent words and uncoordinated movements by a few chemicals. _Honestly_ , I still can't believe you'd do this to yourself." he sighed.  


           I looked up at him and gave him a sort of look with my face which could be interpreted to mean ' _sorry_ '  


           " _W_ _hy?_ " he whispered. It sounded like he was about to cry.  


           He reached out his hand in an offer to help me get up. I took his hand and he propped me up on the bed and sat down on the floor next to me. He offered his hand again, this time in a more loving, protective way. I took it without thinking and he quickly maneuvered my arm around and pulled up my sleeve to see the marks left by the needles.  


          "Let's get these patched up." he said and then proceeded to pull a box of bandages from his coat pocket and apply them to the wounds on my arm.  


          "Are you sober enough that you can stand up and/or walk on your own or do I need to do that for you?"  


          "I think I can do it." I replied. Finally I stopped babbling like an idiot.  


          I slowly got up and walked toward the bathroom, taking a shower while john removed all my stashes from my room.

          I came back from my shower fully dressed but also feeling the effects of coming down. I was queasy, sweating, fidgety, nervous. I felt sick.  


          "J-John." I said urgently.  


          "Hm?" he hummed calmly, looking up from the book he was reading as he sat on my bed.  


          "I'm d-dying." my voice shook.  


          John laughed.  


         "You aren't. It may feel that way but we'll get through this together."  


         "You know this would go a lot faster if you would just give me my smack back right?"  


         "Hm. I don't think that's going to happen." John replied.  


         "You don't seem to realize how much pain I'm in here. Please, I need it. Please..." I pleaded, desperate to get a fix.  


         "I'm not giving up just so you can have another hit. its just going to make it worse and you know this. Come sit on the bed with me and I can comfort you until this goes away."  


          It was at that point that I just started crying. Both because I felt the worst pain in the entire world but also because nobody had ever cared about me this much.    

          John got up off the bed to lead me back to it, sitting me on the plush grey blankets. He then crossed his legs and held me, and we stayed like that for a while.  


          While I had tears streaming down my cheeks, he placed his hand on my cheek to wipe the wetness away. But then he did something I never imagined would happen in a million years. He slowly leaned towards me, and the space between us diminished. 

My lungs felt like they were bursting and my stomach felt like a million tiny butterflies had suddenly filled it. My throat got tight and my face got hot and I had never experienced this feeling before so it scared me, however, I decided I liked it. I never wanted it to go away.


	2. The smut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so this is the smut chapter, it's literally just that- no plot to it, so if you aren't into that, you can skip ahead to the next chapter (whenever I post it OoF)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that I ended up writing this in a different POV as the last chapter but I'm too lazy to go back and change it so just deal with it

John gasped when he felt Sherlock's nimble fingers on his bare skin. Sherlock smirked, content in getting a reaction out of him, and snaked his hand up John's back, holding onto him for dear life. John let out a small moan and traveled down to lightly kiss his detective's neck. Sherlock gasped lightly at the new sensation, but decided he liked it.  
John tugged on Sherlock's hair, pulling his head back to expose more of his skin. John placed light butterfly kisses on his jawline before nipping Sherlock's collarbone, making him squirm.   
Sherlock slid his hand out of John's shirt and guided the army doctor's face towards his, lips sending a message of urgency and hunger.   
He pulled away and carefully got up, pulling his newfound love with him onto the bed, pushing him backwards and planting a light kiss on his nose.  
Sherlock straddled him, and slipped a single button on John's shirt loose, exposing some of his bare chest.  
John bucked his hips up in anticipation. Seeing his intelligent, beautiful, detective smirk at him with those gorgeous ocean blue eyes only made it harder for him to keep still.   
Sherlock slowly and painstakingly unslipped every button on his shirt, going slower everytime John so much as blinked.   
Eventually john got tired of waiting and rolled over on top of Sherlock, taking both shirts off them, promptly running his fingers on Sherlock's smooth skin.  
John grinned and looked Sherlock in the eye. He was so happy to finally get to touch this part of Sherlock. He chuckled a little because of the surrealism of it all.  
"What? Is there something wrong with me?" Sherlock asked.   
"No. Every part of you is perfect, love"  
"Then what's wrong?" The detective questioned, feeling like he did something wrong.  
John hesitated for a moment.  
"It's just... I've been wanting this to happen for so long. I'm just really happy."   
He replied finally, then leaned down to steal another kiss from his lover's lips. Sparks flew between them and it left the both of them feeling breathless.   
John laid his head down on Sherlock's chest, and they lay there for a moment, catching their breath.   
When John could feel the black haired man's chest slow it's rise up and down, he asked, "Do you want to go further?"  
"Of course, John. As long as you're ready, too. I want to make you happy."  
And with that, John sat up and teasingly ground his hips into Sherlock's leg, earning him a flustered grunt.   
"Dammit, john. Don't make me beg." Sherlock pleaded.   
Slowly, john undid Sherlock's belt buckle and trousers button, releasing Sherlock's hard-on, and throwing his trousers in the corner of the room.   
Lust clouded sherlocks eyes, but beneath that was pure embarrassment. He wasn't used to this kind of intimacy.   
"You're so cute like this." John said, releasing his own growing bulge. He once again straddled his lover, staring down into those ocean blue eyes.   
"So how do you wanna do this? This is your first time so tell me what you want" John said awkwardly. It was also his first time with a man.  
Sherlock stared into John's eyes. "I want you. I don't care how it happens, I just trust you'll do what feels okay to you, and that you'll listen to me if I tell you to stop."  
"Y-yeah alright okay." John replied. "S-  
Before he could say anything else, Sherlock cupped John's face in his hands, and pressed his lips into John's. Sherlock rolled over on top of his boyfriend, and pinned him down to the bed. He started grinding his cock into John's urgently.   
John opened his mouth to moan, but it was muffled by the kiss. John carefully touched his tongue to Sherlock's lips, asking for permission. The detective obliged, and let John explore his mouth.   
As their tongues wrestled, Sherlock slid a hand down to take off John's gorgeous red boxers, and John's dick pressed up against Sherlock's stomach. He started stroking the blond haired man under him, earning a gasp and then a "fuck"  
Sherlock then broke off the kiss and bent down to run his tongue along the shaft of John's cock, before completely enveloping it in his mouth.   
John tried to move his hips up to help but Sherlock had him completely pinned to the bed. The detective bobbed his head up and down, taking john deeper with every second.   
John, moaning loudly, leaned his head back and closed his eyes in pleasure.   
"J-Jesus, Sherlock, if you keep this up I'm not going to be able to last much longer." He groaned.   
Sherlock lifted his head up and, catching his breath, he rummaged through his nightstand drawers before pulling out a small bottle of lube, half empty. He then discarded John's and his own underwear, his cock throbbing with anticipation.   
He smeared the clear liquid on his finger.   
"Tell me if it hurts, john."   
John nodded and closed his eyes as Sherlock inserted a finger into him.   
"Ahhh.... fuck" John groaned as the finger inside him thrust into him several times, before another two soon joined.   
John started thrusting his hips in time with his lover's fingers, moaning loudly with each thrust.   
"S-Sherlock, please, I'm ready."   
"Ready for what?" The detective asked, masking a grin.  
"Fuck me... please..." John replied, getting impatient.   
"Hm... maybe persuade me more." Sherlock said. He wanted John to lose all sense of control, and he knew that this was how.   
"Fucking hell, Sherlock. Fuck me. Fuck me hard. Fuck me so hard that I won't be able to sit down tomorrow."   
"I'll have to take you up on that offer." Sherlock replied lustfully.   
Sherlock slowly inserted himself into John, both men groaning loudly.   
"Mmm... John, you're so tight." Sherlock moaned as he bottomed out, waiting for his partner to get used to him.   
"S-sher... keep going."   
Sherlock thrust slowly out and then back into him, trying not to hurt him.  
"Harder, Sherlock, fuck me harder. Mmmm"  
Sherlock sped up his pace, balls slapping his lover's beautiful ass with every thrust.   
"Fuck, john, you feel so good."   
"Yes. More."   
"I'm s-so close..."   
Sherlock reached down to stroke John's cock as he angled his hips up and hit his prostate, again and again.   
"Sherlock, don't stop, please. Fuck. I'm so close."  
"Fuck john I'm gonna- john, john, john, JOHNOHMYGOD"  
They both screamed each other's names as they rode out their orgasms, both wanting to cherish this moment forever.   
They both lay next to each other, struggling to catch their breath.  
"I'm so happy. This is what I always wanted. Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Sorry I took so long to update, I've had this written for a while but I've been too preoccupied to post it. Thanks for all the kudos' and comments, I really appreciate it!  
> I'm hoping to update with a chapter that has to do with the plot sometime soon, but for now, this is all I've got.


End file.
